I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
