Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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