I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
