Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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