nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
