To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
