hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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