True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
