I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
