I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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