garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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