Where is the hickey?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wear drunk well.
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