Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
