Just fell off a train. Bad.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
