Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I would fuck him just for his dog
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
