you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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