im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
