You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
