My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
