i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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