I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
