I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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