My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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