Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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