dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
