don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just want nice things and good sex
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
