it's too hot outside to masturbate.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
