PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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