She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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