His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
