I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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