May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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