I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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