I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
