Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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