it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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