Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
