I must be too annoying 4 u.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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