Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
