I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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