Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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