Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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