i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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