Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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