Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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