i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
