My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
