What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
