A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I want to be your penis for a week.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
