Someone shit on the floor
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
