you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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