This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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