she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
