butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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