im drinking this country out of the recession.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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